Exodus 19:16-21
When morning dawned on the third day, there was thunder, lightning, and a thick cloud on the mountain, and a very loud blast of a horn. All the people in the camp shook with fear. Moses brought the people out of the camp to meet God, and they took their place at the foot of the mountain. Mount Sinai was all in smoke because the LORD had come down on it with lightning. The smoke went up like the smoke of a hot furnace, while the whole mountain shook violently. The blasts of the horn grew louder and louder. Moses would speak, and God would answer him with thunder.
The LORD came down on Mount Sinai to the top of the mountain. The LORD called Moses to come up to the top of the mountain, and Moses went up.
One of the most common ways to think of God is as the mover behind the mighty force of nature. Ancient gods were seen as casting bolts of lightning and shaking the earth. We often think of “the Old Testament God” in a similar way, particularly when we read scripture like what we have just heard. There was a simple equation in the thoughts of the ancient Hebrews: to see God is to die. Poor Uzza (in 1 Chronicles 13) learned the hard way that touching what is holy can kill you when he tried to spare the Ark of the Covenant the fate of crashing to the ground. Even Moses was not permitted to see God, but only could look after God had passed by, and after that Moses reflected that presence in such a way that the people were frightened and made him cover his face. Fear is a normal reaction when confronted with pure holiness.
Fear is also a normal reaction when faced with life's storms. When we encounter that which is beyond our control and much more powerful than what we have to throw at it, we are afraid. And when we look for someone to blame, that someone is typically God. Consider that after a natural disaster the insurance adjusters will refer to it as an act of God. But our fear is not just due to a lack of control, it has much to do with our sense of insignificance. What am I but a speck in the vast cosmos? Who am I but an imperfect human in the face of God's perfection?
It is significant that God descends on Mount Sinai in a violent storm as Moses faces his fears and ascends, fully aware of his own imperfection and the failings of the people. And what does he receive but the very standard that will measure their imperfection, the law in the form of the Ten Commandments? These scales of absolute justice cannot be tipped in our favor, we are measured and found wanting.
While tornadoes, blizzards, disabilities and life-threatening illnesses are clear sources of fear, the truly debilitating fears that cripple us are those that come from within. When we consider the standard by which we should be rightly measured and look at ourselves with brutal clarity, full on in the mirror, we shrink and cower. When there is no place to hide from our imperfection we are haunted by a fear that we have birthed and empowered. We must then have the courage of Moses to ascend the holy mountain to encounter the perfect.
As human beings, our natural impulse in the face of things that threaten or frighten us is to get away from them as quickly as possible. This animal instinct is hard-wired into us and it serves us well in the face of natural disasters like fire or a tornado. In situations like those, the adrenalin pumping through our veins may very well save our lives or help us to save the lives of others. There are remarkable stories of people who survive because of the adrenalin rushing to their limbs and their brains, people like my brother Ben who survived being buried under a tree that broke apart while he was felling it. Because of the adrenalin surging through his body, Ben was able to keep himself alive by holding a picture of his wife and daughter in his mind’s eye long enough for the EMTs to arrive, lift off the tree, and give him oxygen and morphine.
But Moses had a really different impulse on that morning when the mountain was shrouded in clouds and the sky was full of thunder and lightening. Despite the fact that the people were shaking with fear, Moses’ response to the blast of the horn was to gather the people and lead them toward the thing that terrified them, that filled every cell in their bodies with fear. It had to have taken tremendous courage for Moses to lead the people closer to the violent elements, even when he knew that he was bringing them into the presence of God. When they got to the foot of the mountain, Moses spoke and God answered with thunder. And then right there in the midst of their fear and trembling at the foot of the mountain, God called and Moses ascended the mountain to enter into the very presence of God.
The Tibetan Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron, teaches a meditation practice that involves leaning into the things that scare us, the memories or anticipation of experiences our instincts tell us to run away from. When I was first learning this practice, it felt really counter-intuitive. What possible purpose could there be for me to move closer to the memory of fearful or painful experiences or to mental pictures of my mistakes and inadequacies? What good could come from leaning into my fears about the future? Wasn’t that just a way to fan the flames? It wasn’t until I had practiced this for a while that I began to experience my fears gradually, gradually falling away and leaving space for something new to enter. Into that holy space came self-forgiveness, compassion for myself and others, and a hopefulness about the future that evaded me for years.
We are saved by our courage to move closer to God, by our willingness to stay with the things that scare us. When we have the courage to bring our self-judgments and fears into the light of God’s presence, we are saved from the consequences of feeling disconnection from our own worthiness, our own holiness. It takes faith and practice to be brave. But ultimately we are saved by our God-given capacity to stay with our fears and our imperfections long enough for God’s message of hope and redemption to reach us in all the hidden recesses of our hearts and minds. When we have the courage to face our fears directly, we create space for God to enter and to show us the way.
And so it is through courage and hope, hope in the reality of God’s love for each and every one of us, that we are restored.
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