Broken & Blessed: Self-Image

1Kings 19:11-12

The LORD said, “ Go out and stand at the mountain before the LORD . The LORD is passing by. ” A very strong wind tore through the mountains and broke apart the stones before the LORD . But the LORD wasn’t in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake. But the LORD wasn’t in the earthquake. After the earthquake, there was a fire. But the LORD wasn’t in the fire.

After the fire, there was a sound. Thin. Quiet.

Some of the most violent, certainly the most frightening storms in life are internal. And aside from those people who cannot control their emotions due to illness, emotional storms are avoidable as a matter of choice...though they don't usually feel that way.

Elijah's path to the mountain cave where he encountered God was an emotional roller coaster. During his victory over the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel, he was so full of confidence that he cockily taunted them before making good on his boasts by calling down fire from heaven. But only days after this manic high we find him suicidally depressed in the wilderness ready to waste away rather than face the wrath of Queen Jezebel. If it weren't for a persistent angel kicking him awake his bones would still be under that solitary broom tree. He then journeys the symbolic 40 days and 40 nights to the very mountain where Moses encountered God, indeed likely to the very same cave. After the literal storm, earthquake and fire, he is left with nothing but sheer silence. The question he hears comes from the calm that only follows storms. And that question is “why are you here?” Deafened by his ego and paranoia, Elijah doesn't hear the bite in the question, for surely like Dorothy on her journey in Oz, he had the power to find his way all along, but traveled the difficult path of emotional turmoil instead. Elijah plays the martyr and claims to be the only one left who serves God and thus is doomed to be persecuted.

There are plenty of reasons to feel stress, not least of which being the natural disasters that have come our way, but they are not the only powerful external forces beyond our control that conspire to make us miserable. Surely it feels that way at times; that the world is out to get you. When one stressor piles on another, the downward spiral of emotions can feel like it will never end and it also becomes another stressor. It becomes like being caught in a net where the more you struggle the more youbecome entangled; the farther you are from being free.

While it may feel that the torment never ends, the storm always subsides and the question you may ask yourself is “where am I?” The answer to that is less important than considering why you are there. Why are you still in the land of fear? Why are you still in the valley of depression? Why are you hiding in the cave of paranoia? Why is the wind that has passed still howling in your ears? Why are you still burning after the fire has been extinguished? Why are you still shaking when the ground is no longer moving?

Why are you here?

Why are we here? We rarely get still enough to know. Getting still can be a real challenge. The problem is not just that we are experts at fueling incessant internal monologues whenever we experience a threat to our sense of safety, identity, or well-being. The problem is that we believe that all our thinking might actually create in us the sense of personal security and well-being we crave. Elijah comes to the mountain, it seems, to get some peace of mind in the presence of God. He comes to the mountain hoping that God will give him direction and help him understand the way forward. Here on the very mountain where Moses received the law for the Hebrew people, Elijah listens for God in storm after storm passing by, but to no avail. God is not in the storm.

Soothing our inner turmoil or insecurity with incessant thoughts and stories about the things that challenge, repulse, or scare us might give us temporary relief at best, but it rarely gives us insight. More likely than not our monkey minds create even more discomfort or suffering for us and for everyone around us.

We can look at Elijah’s manic behavior and feel a bit sorry for him...until we look a little closer and see our own patterns reflected there. I know this about myself only too well. When hard things happen, all human beings naturally crave relief. We are all wired alike with a primitive brain tucked down at the base of our skulls. This little leftover brain triggers a response to fears by flooding us with adrenalin. The difficult thing is that even if the danger is only imagined, our brains are still off and running creating stories about what happened, why it happened and what we need to do about it.

The truth is, no matter whether our fears are triggered by situations that are real or imagined, the stories we tell ourselves over and over again to help us feel secure actually block the true wisdom in us that we can only access when we stop and listen...God was not in the storm. God was in the thin silence after the storm passed by.

If we are willing to stop the noise and drop all the storylines, we may find within us the essential courage to answer the real questions of why we are here and how we will manifest our essential goodness in this world. Our inner monologues about the invitable hard things that happen in the course of our lives have the potential to close us off from each other and keep us running in little circles in our minds. But wouldn’t we rather let that all go...and instead listen in the thin quiet of God’s presence for the precious love and courage to share the truth of who we are bravely and openly for the healing of the world?

Why are you here?