Broken & Blessed:Trust

Matt 14: 22-33

Right then, Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go ahead to the other side of the lake while he dismissed the crowds. When he sent them away, he went up onto a mountain by himself to pray. Evening came and he was alone. Meanwhile, the boat, fighting a strong headwind, was being battered by the waves and was already far away from land. Very early in the morning he came to his disciples, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified and said, “ It’s a ghost! ” They were so frightened they screamed.

Just then Jesus spoke to them, “ Be encouraged! It’s me. Don’t be afraid. ” Peter replied, “ Lord, if it’s you, order me to come to you on the water. ” And Jesus said, “ Come. ” Then Peter got out of the boat and was walking on the water toward Jesus. But when Peter saw the strong wind, he became frightened. As he began to sink, he shouted, “ Lord, rescue me! ”

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him, saying, “ You man of weak faith! Why did you begin to have doubts? ” When they got into the boat, the wind settled down. Then those in the boat worshiped Jesus and said, “ You must be God’s Son! ”

How does one “see” a strong wind? Likely in the same way one sees a ghost, it is a matter of perception. The same apparition that at first frightened Peter and the others turned out to be one person most welcomed in the situation, Jesus himself. As long as Peter fixed his gaze, and his mind, on Jesus, trusting him for his salvation, he stayed afloat...literally. But as soon as he could see nothing but the wind, the torment of the battering storm, he began to sink. And this is Peter, the one on whom Jesus said the church would be built. In a way then, this is the story of every Christian, each of us is like Peter in this story; frightened at first and then quick to step out in faith, but just as quick to lose it.

Technically, this is a story about Simon, it was later that Jesus gave him his new name. I wonder what the other disciples thought when they heard Jesus tell Simon that his new name was Peter, which means “rock.” I can imagine one of them snickering, “Yeah, he sure sunk like a rock out there on the water.” So Jesus promises to build his church on a sinking stone, not a foundation most of us would choose. Jesus seems willing to work with flawed materials when he builds.

Peter certainly was flawed. We have no indication that he was not as frightened as any of the rest of the disciples in the storm-battered boat. And after they scream in fear, Jesus has to identify himself to them to calm them down. But that is not enough for Peter. Notice that he says if it is you...he is looking for proof. And as long as his trust holds, that is, as long as he keeps his focus on Jesus, he is fine, but trust is a fragile thing. As Jesus saves Peter from the water, he scolds him for having weak faith. Peter has to be rescued twice, first from his fear and then from his lack of trust in the source of his salvation.

Peter's need to be rescued from himself didn't stop there. As we move toward Holy Week, we are reminded of Peter's bold prediction that he would never deny Jesus, yet broke that promise not once, but three times that very night! But it would be a shame if the only lesson we learn from Peter's need is to keep our mouths shut or to be slow to action to avoid being caught out in our own lack of trust and broken promises. Surely God, who knows our hearts and minds, is equally disappointed in our hesitance to trust or commit, as in our demonstrated lack of trust or commitment, perhaps even more so.

We obviously are not immune to storms (whether literal or figurative) and none of us are unfamiliar with fear both of the harm the storm will do us and of the risk of stepping out of the boat to find salvation. We may like to think ourselves better than Peter, but we truly do know better. We, like Peter, need salvation, first and foremost from ourselves.

After a night of being tossed in the violent waves, the disciples mistake Jesus for a ghost. Their fear is running so high, they don’t recognize their beloved teacher until he calls out to them and encourages them not to fear. But Peter wants proof and so asks Jesus to order him out of the boat to walk across the water. Peter walks across the water, but then sees the strong wind, becomes frightened and begins to sink…like a stone.

In the sacred texts of every major world religion we can find teaching about how our fears block our ability to trust in the power of love. In the midst of our storms, when we are feeling the battering winds against our little boats, any knowledge that we are held in God’s loving embrace gets overcome by our fears and negative thoughts about our present circumstances.

Where could God possibly be in this illness, this tragedy, layoff or heartbreak, we ask, when our fears are running so high? With our minds racing to find some earthly solution, some fix, there is scarce room for the sacred. It’s far too easy to leave faith behind in our efforts to fix a situation that is threatening us. We just want to fix it, to make it right for ourselves and others. And these are lofty and important desires. After all, we are called to serve. God calls us to open space for God’s love to reach into even the most terrifying, painful, or hopeless circumstances.

For the past few weeks we’ve heard remarkable testimonies to God’s presence in the storm. We’ve listened to testimonies filled with awe and wonder that even in the deepest darkness, even going down for the third time, the still small voice of God comes across the water saying, “Come! Rest! Know that you are safe and loved!” What makes these testimonies so compelling is that in each case despite fragile, shaky or even absent faith, each one felt God lifting them back into the boat, maybe not the first time, or even the second time, but gradually, eventually.

Jesus chose Peter, the rock, on which to found his church. Jesus chose the one who needed proof, whose faith was shaky, who succumbed to fear and sank like a stone. He chose the one like us.

Its not surprising, then, that in each of the world’s major religions there are practices designed to help us learn how to rest in the storm of our thoughts and emotions. Anyone who has tried to do sitting meditation knows how incessantly our minds provide us with thoughts, and how quickly we can sink into the murky water of these thoughts and feelings and get lost there.

The general instruction in most forms of meditation is to notice the thoughts that pop up in our minds and then just let them go. In letting the thoughts and noise in our minds go, we trust that the reality of God’s grace and love is something we can’t find by grasping for it, it is something that slips in when we least expect it. It’s there beneath the noise and confusion…there beneath even the darkest thoughts.

Sometimes it can feel nearly impossible to let go of our thoughts….and the feelings that continuously fuel them. When our minds are like a movie screen with thoughts popping up in front of us in living color, featuring an award-winning cast and all kinds of bells and whistles to keep our attention, it is hard to just let them go. One of my teachers says with a smile in her voice, “That’s why we call it a practice!” Staying open to faith is not always easy, particularly when we are feeling anxious, sad, or frightened about something in our lives or in the world. Trusting in the reality of God’s love can easily elude us.

Jesus knew Peter’s flaws and still he chose him. We are his descendants, needing to be rescued again and again from our reactions to the storms of our lives --from our loss of faith.

When we find ourselves tossed by the winds and the waves, may we remember to stop…and by stopping, let go of our fears and trust that we have the power to open space enough to invite the calm of God’s loving and healing presence into our boats. May it be so.